What I Ate Today #5 + Weigh In #1 (148.8)

Good news! Everything I ate stayed just as I had written it down yesterday: no unexpected snacks or binges. This morning I decided to weigh myself to find that I have lost at least 1.2 lbs! Yay. I know that before I started this I was actually slightly over 150. So although I don't know the exact number I've lost, it's good.

Today, I have a few different things that I need to do. It's so, so difficult to feel motivated in my situation. I am living in relational hell, surrounded with emotional abuse and severe mental illness that is not acknowledged. It gets very tiring to live with that type of person (or more than one if that's the case). Unfortunately, I have neither the heart nor the money to abandon the situation.

So it just often feels like I exist but I'm not trying at all because no part of this is what I wanted. I want that to change... it's part of why I started this... I want to feel successful. I want to have a goal and achieve it. Maybe that will give me the motivation to try and to be my own person.

I'm really annoyed by how slow this has to be... I want to change faster. I'm sick of my flab.


Breakfast: Toast (95), jam (16), 1/2 banana (50), 3 strawberries (17). 1/2 scoop protein (55), green tea (0) --233

Lunch: Bagel (different from yesterday's) (250), 2 tbsp hummus (70), cucumber (5), pickle (5), hot sauce (10), mustard (0), green tea (0)

Lunch continued: I felt really weak and light-headed, so I ate 2.5 oz of cooked salmon from yesterday  (170 -with tiny bit of pesto sauce on it), 1/2 bagel (125), 1 tbsp hummus (35)    (660)


Total: (so far) 893

Exercise: (morning) ~100 calories, dancing, lunging. walking around, doing squats for 30 minutes. Lots of sweat.