What I Ate Today #4

So I binged AGAIN yesterday. You'd think I'd learn something and I did. I learned that I probably have to up my calories instead of expecting my out of shape body to reach the same calorie goals I could realistically reach when I was 30 pounds lighter. This body needs more food, even to lose weight. So I'm going to just eat for a couple of days, and then see how many calories I'm eating, and how much I can reduce without bringing on a binge.

I don't want to purge like last night. I purged and it sucked. I remember when I used to purge so often that I'd vomit involuntarily when my stomach was full --even when I didn't want to throw up. My teeth have acid wear on them and I was the type who thought brushing immediately after a purge was advisable... I know.

Anyway, I don't want to do that. And I want to be able to think and have energy. I just don't want to eat our of control or eat crap. So I have to find that sweet spot, where I am eating clean and losing the fat, but where I can also think and be able to get on with my day.

Here's what today looked like:

Breakfast: Toast (90), 1/2 tbsp pb (50), 1/2 tbsp peach jam (16) - smoothie: most of small banana (85), four strawberries (23), 1/2 scoop vega protein (55) --- 319 

Lunch: whole wheat bagel (290), 2/3 pickle (4), 3 tbsp hummus (75), 1/2 tbsp mayo (20), cucumber (7), hot sauce (10) --smoothie: four strawberries (23), small banana (90), 1/2 scoop vega protein (55)  -- 574

Dinner: whole wheat bagel (290), 3 oz salmon (180), 1 tbsp mayo (40), mustard and hot sauce (10), pickle (5), pesto (30) --555


Total: 1448

So this is how much I need to eat to feel comfortable I guess. 1448... it's a big number but I guess I'm on the bigger side myself. I want to take things slow only because I know that fast doesn't work. I can't starve because when I starve my brain doesn't work. And I need that to because I have priorities other than weight loss. Plus, if I set a goal of 1500, then I can still feel power over myself, feel in control.

I bought the bagels because from my binges the last three days I could tell my body really, really wanted carbs! And with carbs, I will calm and happy now.